Divorce mediation offers a less adversarial alternative to traditional litigation—allowing couples to negotiate their own agreement with a neutral mediator's guidance. Understanding how mediation works helps you decide whether this approach might work for your divorce.
What Is Divorce Mediation?
Mediation is a voluntary process where a neutral third party—the mediator—helps divorcing spouses reach agreement on issues like property division, custody, and support. The mediator doesn't decide anything; they facilitate discussion, help identify options, and guide negotiation.
Unlike a judge who imposes decisions, a mediator helps you create your own solutions.
The Mediation Process
Typical mediation follows these stages:
Introduction: The mediator explains the process, sets ground rules, and establishes confidentiality.
Information gathering: Both spouses share financial information, identify assets and debts, and outline custody preferences.
Issue identification: The mediator helps identify all issues that need resolution.
Negotiation: Working through each issue, exploring options, and negotiating agreement.
Agreement drafting: The mediator prepares a memorandum of understanding or draft agreement reflecting what you've agreed to.
Legal review: Attorneys review the agreement before signing to ensure each spouse's interests are protected.
Advantages of Mediation
Mediation offers several benefits over litigation:
Lower cost: Mediation typically costs a fraction of litigated divorce.
Faster resolution: Months instead of years.
Control: You make decisions rather than having a judge decide for you.
Privacy: Mediation is confidential; court proceedings are public record.
Reduced conflict: The collaborative process preserves relationships, important when you'll co-parent.
Creative solutions: Mediators can help craft solutions courts couldn't order.
When Mediation Works Best
Mediation is most successful when: both spouses want to resolve matters amicably, there's basic trust and good faith, both spouses can advocate for themselves, there's no significant power imbalance, and both spouses can separate emotions from practical decisions.
When Mediation May Not Be Appropriate
Mediation may not work well when: domestic violence or abuse exists, one spouse intimidates or controls the other, one spouse is hiding assets, there's severe mental illness or substance abuse, or one spouse refuses to participate in good faith.
Mediation requires relatively equal bargaining power—if one spouse can't effectively advocate for themselves, outcomes may be unfair.
Mediator Neutrality
Mediators don't represent either spouse—they're neutral facilitators. This means they can't give legal advice to either party, can't advocate for one spouse over another, and shouldn't ensure the agreement is "fair." Their role is helping you reach agreement, not protecting either spouse's interests.
Do You Still Need an Attorney?
Yes—even with mediation, each spouse should have independent legal counsel. Attorneys can advise you on legal rights and what you might receive in court, review proposed agreements before you sign, ensure your interests are protected, and help you evaluate whether offers are fair.
Some couples use "review counsel" who advises during mediation without attending sessions. Others have attorneys present throughout.
Cost of Mediation
Mediation costs vary widely. Mediators charge hourly (typically $100-$500/hour) or flat fees. Total costs depend on case complexity and how quickly you reach agreement. Most couples spend $3,000-$10,000 on mediation—compared to $15,000-$50,000+ for litigated divorces.
What Happens After Mediation?
Mediated agreements must still be approved by the court. The memorandum of understanding from mediation is drafted into a formal settlement agreement, filed with the court, reviewed by a judge, and incorporated into your divorce decree.
Court-Ordered Mediation
Many courts require mediation before trial, especially for custody disputes. Even mandatory mediation can be valuable—many couples settle cases they thought were headed for trial.
Finding a Mediator
Look for mediators with specific divorce/family law experience. Many are attorneys or retired judges; others are mental health professionals or financial specialists. Ask about training, experience, and approach. Meet with potential mediators to ensure comfort with their style.